I’ve been the girl standing in the shower, scrubbing my flesh until it is raw. Attempting to clean it, but it only causes more damage and hurts more. I could only scrub away the outer layer but I found myself still tainted.
Tainted by the sins of the flesh, tainted by the torment that comes with sin, tainted by the thoughts in my mind, tormented by the death of my spirit but too rebellious and prideful to allow God to save me.
Running from God to the things of the flesh that will mask and numb the pain because of the fear of confronting what is really underneath the surface. Grabbing a band-aid of choosing, over and over to cover the taintedness of my life. After all, I can control the outcome better, I can cover up the pain without addressing the root of the affliction. If I relinquished control, then I couldn’t control the unknown of what could be released.
Jeremiah 2: 20 | “Long ago you broke off your yoke and tore off your bonds; you said, ‘I will not serve you!’ Indeed, on every high hill and under every spreading tree you lay down as a prostitute.”
Looking back wondering how I’ve gotten to this place at the bottom of a pit and stepping back to see the destruction that is left behind. The band-aids did a good of numbing the pain and eventually, I forgot why I was running until I was in a bottomless pit surrounded by everything I had run from.
God did not forget. He was the only viable choice.
I found myself in front of the very thing I was afraid of – standing bare in front of God surrendering my broken, beaten, and bruised spirit. I was afraid of facing God because of His judgment and my spirit knew I couldn’t stand in front of God’s holiness without being exposed. I didn’t want to let him turn the spotlight on and reveal every deep-rooted affliction and scrub me down with His Holy light. Surely, that would be more painful than my scrubbing.
Scrub all you want, you’re still tainted. Jesus is the soap you need and His scrubbing is gentle. It is healing, it is loving, and it washes the tainted flesh away.
Jeremiah 2:22 | “Although you wash yourself with soap and use an abundance of cleansing powder, the stain of your guilt is still before me,” declares the Sovereign Lord.”
Little by little the bandaids come off and when the flesh rears its ugly head; you find yourself on the verge of fleeing or confronting. You have to confront the root of the affliction but now it’s easier because you have surrendered to God. You have bowed in reverence that He is the living and sovereign God. Your life, every hurt, every addiction, every circumstance, it is all best left to His control.
Matthew 3:10 | “The axe is already laid at the root of the trees; therefore every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.”
But it must be exposed, it must be released because we are on a journey of sanctification. We are to walk and strive to be like Him so He has to pull the flesh out of you so that you can be all that He called you to be.
John 15:2 | He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.
So, let go of the control. Let go of the old you and everything that has hurt you.
It’s like fearing the wave that is about to come crashing on you-you can run or you can choose to stand. You can withstand the pressure and the force that comes because you have set your focus on Jesus. When the wave envelopes you, there is a release of all the old flesh and it is cleansing.
It’s more gentle than holding on to the control and holding everything back from being exposed.
This is why I call on His name, this is why I choose Jesus. His ways are better than mine. I may not understand at the time but He always carries me through. The energy I spent trying to control the situation to avoid the hurt, guilt, and shame became too much to bear on my own and eventually became out of control.
Even when it hurts like hell, I’ll praise Him as He heals the roots of affliction underneath the band-aids.
I leave you with one of my favorite Bible verses that is dear to my heart:
Jeremiah 29:11 | “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Xoxo,
Hannah B.
Collective Circle Gathering 