Tag: addiction

Barefoot Devotions

My Story | Rejected To Perfection

Hannah B.

Three Days Ago

It’s Friday, everyone should be happy right? I have felt off all day but I kept telling myself that it was because my mom was having surgery and I was uneasy since I wasn’t there.  Then the enemy popped in and reminded that it is because I can’t control the situation in case something went wrong.  As he placed this thought into my mind,  I kept thinking of every situation that could go wrong.  Luckily, my sister called and let me know that my aunt and uncles were at the hospital with my mom.  Immediately, I was relieved because I knew they were praying and would be there for my mom.  I prayed and submitted my concerns to God and told Him it’s better that He has the control instead of little ‘ol me.  Done. Submitted to God.  Let’s get this day started!

Wrong. I guess the devil didn’t like that I didn’t open his package.

The day continued with screaming kids – wilder and louder than normal.  Figures.

I thought that getting “ready” would make me feel better.  I put on real pants that you can wear in public, makeup, and was about to curl my hair.  Then I looked into the mirror.

As I looked at myself,  I didn’t feel good about what was looking back at me. My make up didn’t go on smoothly, my blemishes were still there, and my flaws were showing.  I was not on point.  If you know me,  you know this is out of character for me.  If I leave the house,  I am always dressed to impress, makeup perfect, hair perfect, and completely accessorized.

All I wanted to do was make a video and talk more about strongholds and get “ready” for the day.

One minute in and I turned the camera off.  It was turning into an unknown testimony that I didn’t know I even had.

I said, “Screw it, I’m scrubbing my face.”  Yes, out loud as I stomped to my bathroom.  I scrubbed. Harder than I should have but maybe the harder I scrubbed the flaws would fade.  I was angry and upset that I was struggling with the blemishes on my skin, with my weight that I allowed to get out of control, with my hair color that has faded, and my overplucked eyebrows that are now growing in gray.

I entered into a conversation with God, “Why do I cover myself with makeup? Why at this very moment do I hate everything about me? Am I really this flawed? I thought I was supposed to be fearfully and wonderfully made.”

The Revelation

He revealed why I dress the way I do and why everything has to be perfect. He revealed why I was so unhappy with myself at that moment.  Then came the cause.

It’s an illusion of being perfect that I strive for because somewhere along the way of living with an addict,  I thought that if I sit pretty, look pretty, and act pretty then maybe my dad wouldn’t leave me for the next binge or the next prison sentence.  Maybe if I was pretty enough and made everything perfect enough then I could mask our dysfunctions and everything would appear to be as a happy and functioning family.  I didn’t realize that I spent my whole life trying to cover up every flaw that came up in life because it was learned at such an early age it appeared to be normal.

At this point, my flesh wanted to run and say, “Nope, not today!” If I was at any other stage in my life, I probably would have.  This is why God chose this moment in my life to reveal this to me because I was at a point of needing freedom.  At this moment, John 8:32 became so real to me – the truth does set you free indeed.  I’ve surrendered my life to Him because He gave His for me and if this is what He needs to me to do to move forward, then I will.  Now that I am aware of this action that comes so normal to me,  I can act when certain situations arise because I know the enemy will throw this back in my face.  When he does, I can say, “Nope, that is a lie!”

John 8:32 | “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

The Truth Sets You Free

When you look in the mirror and acknowledge the person who you didn’t want to become, the person you don’t like then we can then confront the issues, then confront the underlying strongholds with the truth.  It isn’t pretty but once you accept what it revealed to you,  and surrender to God then you can be changed.  Don’t live in the lies, there is bondage.  Acknowledge the truth and you will be set free!

Previous blog mentioned in the video:

How To Slay Your Mental Strongholds

 Raw and Real Footage After My Revelation: 

VIDEO: Stronghold Discovery: Rejected to Perfection

Xoxo,

Hannah B.

P.S. Be sure to share with your friends across your social media networks to pass the word.

Barefoot Devotions

Children of Addiction: We are Warriors

Hannah B.
This was hard to write but I am blessed that God placed this opportunity in my life.
We all have a story and this is mine. Children of Addiction: We are Warriors
I am a warrior. I am a fighter. I am fierce. I am loyal. I am a peacemaker. I am a forgiver. I am forgiven. I am loved. I am a believer.
Be sure to check out Loving the Wounded Child they have great resources for those living with childhood trauma and loving the wounded child.
Xoxo,
Hannah B.
Barefoot Devotions

Letting Love Out

Hannah B.

I’ve been in a funk. I haven’t been able to articulate my thoughts to write for the last two weeks but there in my mind as a jumbled mess mixed in with emotions. For the past month, God has shown me my purpose and has answered prayers left and right for me. I’ve felt a fire raging for His will, His plan, His love and ready to go all in.

Then my heart broke.

My eyes were awakened to issues our society faces that are swept under the rug. My heart changed. I was burdened and convicted because of one encounter with a homeless woman named Jacqueline. I can’t even begin to imagine how God feels.

We have all encountered homeless people, some may cuss you when you don’t give them money and some may walk away but have you ever considered that their as much a human being as we are? A child of God? Have you just grabbed them by the shoulders and looked them in the eye and told them that you love them and Jesus loves them even more?

It’s not my place to judge why Jacqueline was homeless and asking for money but it’s my place to make sure she knows Jesus loves her and through Him all things are possible.

Jacqueline said she needed money because she was a diabetic and I know you are thinking that she just wanted money to buy more drugs. That’s probably true but that’s between her and God to work out. If that is the case, then she will remember a crazy girl from Kentucky who talked to her about Jesus.

Now, if you ask my husband he would tell you that he gave her the money because he knew I’d be taking her home with me. Yes, if you know me, you could see me doing this.

She made bad decisions that placed her on that very street, homeless and asking for money. Whether it’s a life she wants and is doing it as a scam or a life that she is chained to because she has lost her hope, isn’t it our job to love them regardless of those decisions? What if I turned my nose up at her like I normally would have like society says to? I wouldn’t have learned that she has two grand babies that she wants to get better so she can see them again. She wouldn’t have heard the words Jesus loves you and all things are possible through Him. Isn’t it better to speak life and show love to someone in need than to judge them, ignore them and walk away? I told Jacqueline that I would continue to pray for her and I know we were on the same street at the same time for a reason. It might be for a seed that was planted in her life or a reminder that God loves her.

The world has a heart problem. There are people who are homeless, struggling with mental illness and addicts. We need to stop being judgmental and start loving these people. Some might say love isn’t enough but it’s at least a step in the right direction and the Bible tells us love covers a multitude of sins and I believe that it can radically change lives.

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8

There is power in saying you believe in someone. It changes someone’s mindset and gives them hope. You can be a shining light pointing the way to Jesus, freedom, and chains being broken.

My dad was a drug addict. He suffered mental illness. My sister is a recovering addict and suffers from mental illness. It could have been them on that street but it wasn’t because somewhere along the way there was someone bold enough to share Jesus with them and give them hope and say, “I love you!”

I choose to give hope in hopeless situations. I choose to show love to those who need it most regardless of their decisions and actions.

Xoxo,

Hannah B.