free – Collective Circle Gathering

In our lives, we are bound to walk through trials from circumstances and experience rivals that provoke us and lead to disappointment and discouragement. If we do not deal with these emotions in a Christ-like manner, then our emotions have the potential to spread deeper into our soul causing more destruction. The story of Hannah is one of my favorite stories in the Bible because through her actions we can see a proper course of action that defeated her problems and her emotions.

1 Samuel 1-8, NIV

¹There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. ²He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none.

³Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the Lord Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the Lord. ⁴Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. ⁵But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. ⁶Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her.

⁷This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. ⁸Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”

In this passage, we can see that Hannah lived in a dysfunctional family and was greatly grieved by her barrenness. Not only was she in a situation that brought on great embarrassment for her husband but Peninnah provoked her until she wept and would not eat.

Although Hannah was greatly loved by her husband, she could not be consoled by him. When our heart burns with such a relentless longing for something in our lives or we are having to live out circumstances that cause disappointment or great weeping, we do not see anything or anyone except for this one thing we are seeking. The saddest part is when that we are overcome by our emotions and we miss the plan Jesus has in store for us because our eyes are set elsewhere. When this happens, we allow the root of bitterness to sink into our heart and grow roots that lead to resentment, hate, and negative attitudes. As this root begins to grow, we question God’s sovereignty and love for us when we are experiencing trials, relationship problems, and a longing for something that hasn’t been given to us yet. Emotions are powerful and unless we learn to control them, they will control us.

1 Samuel 10-18, NIV

¹⁰In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly.¹¹And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

¹²As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. ¹³Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk ¹⁴and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”

¹⁵“Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. ¹⁶Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”

¹⁷Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.” ¹⁸She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.

Hannah’s prayer to us demonstrates the necessity of being raw and honest with God about the way we are feeling – the ugly, the bad, and the mad. She poured everything that was inside of her out before the LORD. When we take our emotions and thoughts before God, He will show us His view on our problems and how to correctly proceed in our actions. We see that after Hannah was weeping greatly before the LORD, she left her problems there, resumed her life, and her face was no longer downcast.

We can see the drastic change of Hannah’s attitude due to her praying and the importance of taking everything to God in prayer especially when the first sign of disappointment sets in. By following the steps below we can learn how to handle these situations:

Honestly pray to God and bring your problem before Him.
LEAVE your problems with God. Walk away and live your life for Him.
Know that God is Sovereign and His will for your life is perfect.
Praise and Worship Him through the trials.
Receive encouragement and support from Christ-minded friends and mentors.

Hannah eventually receives her son from God who is named Samuel. He was the last judge of Israel and the first priest and prophet to serve during the time of a king. Samuel’s characteristics were the best examples of what a good judge should be, and he governed the people by God’s word and not by his own will. He was pivotal in Israel’s history since he was the first to anoint the king and usher in the Davidic line.

We can trust Jesus with the desires and longings of our hearts and all of our hurts and disappointments. God’s timing is perfectly purposeful.

Personal Reflection

What do you do when you don’t receive the desire that causes a deep longing within?

How can you learn to take everything to the LORD in prayer?

Do you have a hard time leaving your problems after you have talked to God about them?

If so, what steps will you take to overcome carrying your burdens yourself?

With all my love and encouragement,

Hannah Boyd

Barefoot Devotions

1996 – A Bus Kid

July 10, 2018 Hannah B.

It is a hot and humid typical Southern day that triggers the memory of Vacation Bible School. The joy of going to church that provided a vacation from home and hope fresh on the mind and heart. Looking forward with joy and anticipation of the church van that would be coming down the dirt road to carry you to church for the evening.

1996 was different. It was two extremes colliding together. It was a culmination of events that would set the lives of a family on fire that would burn until there was nothing left to burn. It began with a bus kid.

It was a year of great suffering, but the joy that was coming was far greater than the issues that come with alcoholism, drug addiction, and a broken home.

It started with the love of Christ that filled the bus that was displayed by someone who loved God. Someone who experienced God’s love, mercy, hope, and forgiveness.

It continued for the week with God convicting a nine year old girl of the sins that made her dirty. Not the kinda dirt you get from riding four wheelers and playing in the dirt all day but a kind of dirty that could only be washed away by Jesus’ blood.

Barely able to stand. Barely able to speak. Knowing the only place to be is down at the alter seeking the truth, redemption, solace, and accepting God’s truth and the only way to everlasting life through the death of His son, Jesus.

Jesus Accepted. Set Free. Hope Obtained. Life Given.

The moment she walked in her front door – life was about to change. The catalyst was about to ignite. Salvation would spread to a dad and sister chained to addiction. A wife and family’s prayers would soon be answered.

I am a bus kid, this is my story, and this is how God found us.

Xoxo,

Hannah B.

Barefoot Devotions

Not Forgotten

March 22, 2018April 25, 2018 barinmysoul

It always amazes me how distracted we can get on a daily basis and forget how far we have come in life. We do our day to day things and have our day to day issues. Could be a stressful day with work and kids and so much to do and so little time to do it. Or I just got paid and now I have no money.

Recently, I was watching a documentary on the Oklahoma City building bombing that sadly happened back in 1995. I remembered that I had written in my journal just a few short days afterwards about how I had felt about it. I ran upstairs and grabbed my journal out of my suitcase full of all my teenage memories. Which is pretty fitting considering I moved around a lot as a child. My parents were divorced and I found myself going back and forth between the both of them.

So, I started reading my journal which only consisted of a few months from that year. I must have remembered the old saying “don’t print anything on paper that you wouldn’t want broadcasted on the front page of a newspaper” Lol. As I was reading, I couldn’t stop. All these memories that I had blocked out. I was such a depressed and lonely teenage girl. I wanted to reach into that journal and hug her and tell her everything would turn out okay. My day to day journaling consisted of boy trouble, abuse, feelings of suicide and loneliness.I had wanted to have a closer relationship with Jesus but I found myself drowning in depression and anger.

I do remember times of shaking my fists and screaming out to God to take me out of this world. To make all this go away. To save me. I had no mentor back then. No woman to show me what a life for a girl is supposed to be like. I lived with my father and my 2 brothers most of the time. I longed for someone to see into my soul how tormented I was. I suppose I didn’t know how to articulate any of that at the time. I only knew how to yell and fight and defend myself. I only knew how to express how angry and sad I was. I got myself into quite a bit of trouble. Drugs, alcohol, premarital sex. I stopped caring about myself.

I don’t actually remember much of the details of that time; even the events I wrote about, but I do remember making my mind up at some point that I was going to look forward to the future and hold onto that last thread of hope that God was real and what I’ve learned my whole life was true and that Jesus loved me and hadn’t forgotten me.

Now, as I look around at my beautiful house and the peace in this house I see how God did deliver me. I have wonderful children. I didn’t do too much in my life in the right order but God still blessed me none the less. God saw through my soul and saw my pain and He delivered me. He set me on solid ground. I may have messed up in so many ways but being the Sovereign God He is; picked me up, dusted me off and pushed me forward. What an amazing mighty God we serve. And the thing is, I may have just been reminded of some of the pain I went through growing up and some of the awful things that were said to me or done to me but I’m also reminded that I am blessed and I survived. That I was saved and He did hear my cries and I was delivered from all of it. I don’t have to feel sad about it anymore. I don’t have to be angry. I can forgive and I am forgiven.

The annoyances that happen in my day to day are nothing compared to what The Lord God brought me out of so many years ago.

Looking back I don’t even recognize that girl in that journal. I know that God has transformed me. He has worked on my heart and has mended all my little holes and patched all those rips and tears. There may be scars but they are no longer wounds.

If you are going through a time in your life where you feel like nobody could possibly understand what you are going through or you feel like you are alone; I am a living testament that you are never alone. God does hear you and even if you don’t see his work yet, He is working on your behalf. It is always in the right time.

He knows perfectly and strategically where you are at in your grief or your anger or your sadness. He knows what you need and when you need it. He knows when you are open and ready to receive it. When you can lay it all down and get on your knees and recognize that He does have your back you are ready to receive it.

If you don’t have a mentor or somebody to reach out to that will listen and pray for you or pray with you, I encourage you to get out your bible and pray. I encourage you to find a bible based church to go to and do not isolate yourself. Reach out to other people or your pastor and ask them to pray with you. You are loved and you are never forgotten.

Luke 12:7- “But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows”.

Valerie C.

Barin my Soul

The How To Series

How To Forgive When You’re Angry

February 8, 2018February 13, 2018 Hannah B.

Have you ever experienced a situation that has left you feeling abandoned, broken and crushed by someone you loved and trusted? Perhaps your spouse has committed adultery, a loved one has let you down a time or two or a close friends has shared something you told them in private. There can be a multitude of situations that have left you feeling this way. It doesn’t matter what your situation is but we all have had experiences that have caused our hearts to hurt. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and embrace you. I will leave you with this verse that has carried me through many of my own heart breaks.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

At first, you are hurting and grieving as you are waiting on your mind to process the events that have recently unfolded in front of you. You ask yourself how this happened or how you got to where you are and the famous question of why. If you are anything like me, I need to know the why to everything. I overthink and I over analyze the situation at hand until all of my emotions eat me a live. Most of the time, I let them because I like to soak in the “I’m right and you’re wrong mentality” or “I have the right to be angry because you did this”. Then comes the rage, the anger, and the need for revenge. Yep. It just gets uglier and uglier doesn’t it?

Proverbs 29:11 Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.

I’ve been that person in this situation and I’ve been the one that can’t let go of something. I understand and I can relate to these fleshly reactions and emotions. Unfortunately, it’s normal for us humans BUT it’s not good for our soul and it’s not what God intends for our life.

James 1:20 because human anger does not produce righteousness that God desires.

I’m not saying it’s not okay to be angry or feel the way you do because it’s quite the opposite. Those are your feelings and you have every right to feel them and work your way through them but you must control your reactions and your words.

Ephesians 4:26-27 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

What does this mean? Well, we can gather that anger itself is not a sin but it’s your reactions that can be sinful if not controlled. The next part basically means that the sooner you let go of your anger, the better off YOU will be. Anger can fester like a nasty boil inside your heart than can result in a hardened heart. From the last part, I gather that the devil would love for you to let your anger fester because it allows him time to cause chaos in your life. Have you ever noticed that when you keep thinking about the event that caused your anger, you just get angrier, even more bitter and resentful? Perhaps the devil has seeped in through an open foothold that Ephesians warns us about. This is why it is so important to let go of the anger as quickly as we can because the devil will use it to his advantage.

Can you see the damage that has been done because we didn’t let go of our anger and forgive? The poison that caused our soul to rot. Can’t you see that the only one you are hurting is you? I can tell you that the person you are angry at is probably enjoying their life without being bothered by your anger and the unforgiveness in your heart.

How in the world do we move forward and forgive?

It starts in our heart and mind with a decision to forgive the person who wronged you. Say it out loud and pray it to Jesus. There is power in the willingness to forgive someone.

Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.

It’s not going to be easy but Jesus is with you every step of the way. If you are feeling hurt or if your mind is in over drive with ungodly thoughts about this person, pray and call out to Jesus. The devil will creep in and remind you of what this person said or did but you will need to be prepared to stop him quickly and not allow him a foothold into your mind. You can’t do this on your own but with the help of the Holy Spirit, you will conquer. You just have to ask.

Here is where you may think I have really gone coo coo…

Pray for the person who hurt you. Bless this person and do not curse. Pray for God’s will over this person’s life and their happiness and well being. Do it for no reason and do it when the devil attempts you to curse this person. Do it out of love. They hurt you out of weakness or wickedness and if we don’t pray for them we may never see the best that they could be. Most importantly, pray that the footholds the devil has over their life is broken.

Luke 6:27-28 But to you are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

You might be wondering, “Now what do I do about this person in my life?”

That is your decision to pray about. You know what’s best for you. Listen to the still small voice that you hear. Follow your instincts. Just because you have forgiven someone does not mean you allow them back in your life. It just means that you have found peace with them and the circumstances. It may take months or years to rebuild the trust and it may not ever happen. There is not anything wrong with loving and praying for people from afar.

Here is the real beauty in this: You are setting yourself free and tearing down walls that have been built around your heart. You are setting yourself up for God’s blessing and His peace that surpasses all understanding. Forgiveness is an art and it takes time to master but it holds such a powerful key to the life Christ wants you to have. He forgives us every time with so much love & mercy, how can we not do the same?

I want you to pray for any areas in your life that you may be convicted and for God search and know you. Pray that through Him you are able to find the peace through the pain as you take this journey with Him.

I challenge you to read: The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant located in Matthew 18: 21-35.

All of my love,

Tag: free

How To Overcome Discouragement & Disappointment

1996 – A Bus Kid

Not Forgotten

How To Forgive When You’re Angry